How to Date Thai Girls: What to Expect in your First Thai Farang Relationship
You finally scored a date with a good Thai girl. Now you need help with what to expect in a Thai-Farang relationship with perhaps some first date ideas.
Here’s a follow up to my post on meeting good Thai girls using my “Dumb Tourist” technique. If you’re reading this maybe you did it. You’ve set yourself up a first date with a good Thai girl. But now you don’t know what to do next or expect.
You’re like a dog chasing a car. You don’t know what to do with one even if you caught it.
But relax. Dating a Thai girl is a little different than dating a western girl. But same same. On this post, I’m going to cover the subject of what to expect when you’re starting off in a Thai-Farang relationship. Including what’s to be expected of you.
I’ve had my fair share of relationships with good Thai girls
You probably can’t tell by the amount of crap I’ve written here about Bangkok’s commercial sex industry and how many Thai prostitutes I’ve messed around with. But I’ve had experiences dating normal Thai girls during my 20+ years in Thailand.
I’ll be the first one to admit that fidelity is my downfall. And the word marriage to me is like kryptonite. But I always got back on the dating wagon again and again to give it another try. Despite the fact that Thai girls expect marriage. Which is something I’m not ever ready for.
Are you?
You’re going to have to change your mindset
Dating Thai women is not so much different then dating women anywhere else in the world. For westerners, you just have to understand and know Thai culture and etiquette, whether you want to or not. Cause it’s not going to conform to your standards no matter how stubborn you are.
For example, if you’re planning to marry a Thai woman you have to pay a sin sod. It’s the two words in the Thai language that can cripple ill prepared westerners not ready for it. Keep reading and you’ll find out what sin sod is all about.
Now that you understand certain expectations, let’s take a look at my:
7 Tips to Dating Thai Women
- Communication – Learn to speak Thai
- Get used to eating spicy food (plus one drink you must have with you when you do)
- Don’t expect her to be a virgin
- Get used to Thai dating culture (this one will suck)
- Check out who she hangs out with
- Don’t be a time Nazi
- Plan on getting married (This ones unavoidable)
My 7 rules are not hard and fast nor set in stone. Though they are great if you’re looking to find a decent and honest Thai lady for a lasting relationship.
1. Communication – Learn to Speak Thai
There is no way around this one critical rule to dating Thai girls which is why it’s first on this list. If she’s fluent in English you should still learn to speak Thai. Especially if you’re planning to stay in the country long term.
And maybe you can พูดภาษาไทย (pôot pah-sǎh tai) a little already which helps. But it’s probably mostly bar slang right? Which is better than nothing I suppose. But try picking up a good Thai girl with bar speak and see how far you’ll get.
Examples of bar speak that is a no no
- How much for anal sex? “ร่วมเพศทางทวารหนักเท่าไหร่” / “Ruaam phaeht thaang tha waan nak tao rai”
- I am circumcised. “ผมฉันเป็นขลิบ” / “Pom bpen klip”
- Would you like to check out my sex toys? “คุณอยากจะเห็นไหมผมของเล่นทางเพศ” / “Yak ja hĕn kong lèn thang phes?”
Well at least you shouldn’t be bringing it up on your first date. I usually go straight to asking for anal on my second dates.
But odds are, your Thai language skills are limited and her English skills are just as limited. And that’s why you should take the initiative on learning to speak Thai.
Plus learning to read Thai will help you pick food out on a Thai menu. Which would definitely impress a Thai girl on the first date. This is typically helpful if you can’t eat spicy food. Because you’re going to have to get used to it. Or at least prepared for it.
2. Get Used to Eating Spicy Thai Food (and stuff that might be weird to you)
Thais start eating spicy foods from an early age. So they have an advantage through the years building up tolerance to the almighty powerful chili pepper. In addition, Thai food is salty, sour and sweet.
Why am I bringing this up?
Ask any man in a long relationship with a Thai lady. Thais love to eat Thai food. Period. Take them on a trip out of Thailand and you’d better bring packets of Thai instant ramen noodles.
Have you tried chicken feet? It’s delicious. And I’m not being sarcastic. You’re going to be eating things you’ve never tried before. So try it anyways. You’ll like it even if it’s not something you normally eat. Like grilled chicken ass.
Impress your Thai date by eating innards and gizzards
Ask her where she wants to eat and chances are she’ll say up to you. While you’re eyeing the McDonald’s inside a nice and frosty looking mall. She’s eyeing the non air conditioned som tom shack by the side of the road surrounded by flea bitten dogs under a scorching sun.
If you’re willing to date a Thai girl, eating spicy shit is something you’ll have to get used to. When I first came over to Thailand I didn’t have an ounce of tolerance to spicy food. I’m a lot better now to the point when I visit my home country I have to have a bottle of hot sauce.
If you’re not used to eating spicy food then have a bottle of milk in hand. Milk won’t stop 100% of the heat but it’ll definitely help alleviate the pain. Drinking water actually makes it worse.
3. Don’t expect her to be a virgin
Unless you met her at a Thai university as an foreign exchange student, your chances of finding an actual virgin is really slim.
I know one of the reasons most sex tourists come to Thailand thinking they can easily hook up with sexy Thai university girls that want sell their virginity. Or give it away for free. Keep dreaming.
Thai girls get pressured into having sex by their first boyfriends that are most likely Thai.
Just like it happens in the US, UK, Australia and anywhere in the world where most young guys have raging erections having just past puberty.
That said, you can sure bet a good Thai girl doesn’t have the same mileage as prostitutes in Bangkok. Expect her not to give it up on the first date. If you try you can for get about a second date.
When to make the approach
Physical intimacy with good Thai girls will take time and patience. And eventually, you’re going to make the move. It’s inevitable. She knows it and you know it. The longer you’re with her, the better your chances to initiate that sex talk or let the moment happen when its right.
Obviously every girls got different time frame on when you’re allowed to sleep with them. They just want to make sure you’re not with her to “hit it and quit it” which is why Thai girls may act like prudes at first.
4. Get used to Thai dating culture (this one will suck for a little while)
Don’t expect to be alone on your first date. After all, she doesn’t know you.
She’ll ask a couple of friends to tag along. It could be a couple of girlfriends. Could be couple of ladyboys. Could even be a couple of flaming gay besties.
So, if you’ve got a problem with Thailand’s multi-sexuality culture, you’re not going to be a happy camper. If you’re fine with her friends tagging along then you’re on your first step.
But did you know you’ll be paying for the entire dinner bill?
To Pay or Not to Pay
I think everyone reading this knows about the phrase “going dutch” which means everyone pays a part of their restaurant bill. As a gentleman on a first date with your lovely Thai girl you’re more inclined to pay for her.
But for her friends too? All of them? Yup, that’s on you buddy.
Okay, you can go ahead and say you don’t want to pay for her friends. Bitch and moan all you want. But that’s just going to look bad on you. And put a strike on your record.
Here’s how to look like a winner and not go broke
On my first dates I always pick an inexpensive restaurant where I know the food is good and perfect for group eating. Your first reflex is to pick some expensive foreign restaurant to impress your new girl. But remember, she and all her friends are expecting you to pay the bill. If you’re a rich asshole go ahead and do whatever you want. You own the world already.
But for the rest of you working schlubs I suggest picking a Thai restaurant. Thai food is cheap and so affordable. I recommend going to a restaurant like Som Tom Nua (Siam Square Branch). I’ve never known a Thai that dislikes that restaurant.
Som Tom Nua has really good Isaan food. If you’re worried about eating food out of your norm just order the fried chicken wings. The restaurant is clean and air conditioned. It’s great for you and great for your date and her friends. Plus the food is way affordable. A win win situation for all.
As long as you pick a good Thai restaurant you’ll know it’s going to be affordable. When it comes time to pay the bill you’ll look like a winner and earn some early brownie points with her and her friends.
Who’s the third wheel?
So here’s something that has bothered me a lot while I was dating my first and second Thai girl friends. They talked to their friends more than they talked to me. This could potentially happen to you and make it seem like you’re the third wheel in the group.
I don’t take at it as a personal slight. Through the years I learned this is mostly due to shyness. She might be shy to speak English to you, especially around her friends. Don’t get offended. Once her shyness wears away she will converse with you more.
This is one of the best reasons why you should learn to speak Thai so you won’t get left out of the conversations.
Just like she and her friends are scoping you out, you can use these situations to your advantage. You could be unsure of her but if you can check out who she hangs out with you can get a better idea of her personality. By checking out the kinds of people she hangs out with.
5. Check Out Who She Hangs Out With
Like I mentioned on #4 during your first dates you’re most likely not going to be alone. She’ll bring a few friends along to suss you out if you’re boyfriend material or not. This is quite normal. And can be annoying at the same time.
But use these moments to your advantage.
Here’s how:
Imagine two Thai girls in front of you; Girl A and Girl B.
You discover that Girl A has friends working in banks as tellers, departments store sales people and company offices. All her friends work from 9am to 5pm. All are dressed modestly.
Girl B has friends that dress like skanks. They don’t have full time jobs. They act and work like semi-pros gold digging for rich foreigners on Facebook. They will ask if you know any rich foreign men you can introduce to them.
Knowing her close circle of friends will give you a glimpse of her true personality
There will always be that possibility that you won’t hit it off with the first Thai girl you’ve dated. You could discover that she’s not as sweet or innocent as you first thought. Which can happen when you don’t even know anything about her background.
If you can take a good look at her friends. Ask them what they do for a living. Where they went to school and so on. This can give you valuable insights into your Thai girl’s background.
6. Don’t be a time Nazi
Here’s a true story involving my friend Harry the Hungarian. He used my Dumb Tourist technique and eventually scored a first date with a Thai girl working out of an Asiabooks branch in Bangkok.
Harry suggested to meet at Emquartier Mall at 6pm since he’s familiar with the area and the hotel he’s staying at is nearby. I went along with him as his wingman. Because she’s certainly going to bring a bunch of her friends too for support.
Harry’s date was 30 minutes late so he called to check where she’s at. Her English is minimum at best and Harry can’t speak a lick of Thai. And if no one understands a word of English coming out of his mouth he just talks slower and slower to the point it sounds like he’s slurring his words. As if that helps any better. Yes, he’s that kind of idiot.
His date says she just left her apartment, apologized and told her she should be there in another 30 minutes. I already warned Harry this would happen. After all, she said she lived near Don Mueang Airport. With Friday evening rush hour/party traffic she might as well be arriving at Emquartier the next day.
It was 7:30pm. Another hour passed. No sight of Harry’s date. He wanted to call. I told him it’s not going to help. She’s stuck in traffic probably on a public bus or a mini bus. I could tell by the color of his face he wasn’t happy.
I had nothing else to do. And besides I was interested in the pending drama.
It could all either go good or it could go bad
Then the clock hit 8:30pm. Harry looked pissed. He clutched his iPhone so hard I thought he’d crack the screen. I could see him redial his date. I quickly asked Harry maybe I could speak to her in Thai. This way, he can avoid choking on his own foot. He reluctantly handed me the phone and I asked her where she is.
She said she is waiting for some friends at a hair salon over in Ari neighborhood, a final stop before coming to Emquartier. Should be another 30 minute because they can hop on the Sky Train. As much as I would love to see Harry pop a vein in his forehead, I just told him she was with her friends heading to the Ari BTS station. I said it would take another hour.
For the entire time, Harry the Hungarian was bitching in his native tongue.
9:30pm rolled in and Harry’s date and her friends finally arrived. There were 3 ladies and 2 gay friends in tow. One of the gay friends remarked Harry has a big dick. I replied in Thai no he doesn’t.
Harry was still annoyed throughout the first half of the night. But after a lot of beers he loosened up and even showed his dick to one of his date’s gay friends while they were in the toilet. He said it wasn’t in anyway gay and it’s something Hungarians do. Go figure.
Pick a Thai restaurant for group dining and you can save money
Harry the Hungarian is wealthy and he payed for all meals and drinks at one of the super pretentious restaurants behind Emquartier. He spent about 10,000THB for food and wine. Harry’s made of money so he can handle it.
As I mentioned you don’t need to spend that much on a first date to impress at a foreign restaurant. Pick a Thai restaurant and everyone else will be just as happy.
As of writing Harry the Hungarian is still dating his first Thai girlfriend. And they’re almost at their 1 year first date anniversary.
Pick a meeting place closer to where she lives to save yourself some headache
I did tell Harry it was better to pick a place to meet near where she lived. However, he thought his area was better because he knows the location and where the best places are to eat. That’s all fine and dandy for a first date in Budapest.
In Bangkok, traffic is a nightmare. You can be stuck for hours if you come out during rush hour and when it rains.
Thai girls take what may seem like forever to look beautiful. But that’s why we fell in love with them, right? They go through the whole ritual. Makeup, hair salons, nail salons and beauty clinics. All of that takes a lot of time. And that’s just for going to work.
Imagine how long it’ll take her to get herself ready for a first date out with you.
And as I mentioned on #4 some of her friends will be tagging along. At least for the first few rounds of couple of dates. And all of her friends will have to go through the whole beautification ritual.
And that means don’t expect your date and her posse to be on time most of the time. The point is to be cool when they’re late. It usually gets better when both get to know each other better.
7. The End Game – Plan on Getting Married
All good Thai girls plan on showing you off to her parents and friends. Ultimately that means you’re going to have to marry her.
The longer you’re in a relationship with her the more you’re going to feel the pressure from her. And she’ll feel the pressure from her parents. It’ll be a vicious circle.
For good Thai girls, it doesn’t look too good on her end the longer you hold out on marriage. Her parents will constantly let her know that it doesn’t look right when a Thai-Farang is dating for a long period of time without a discussion about marriage.
But that’s what you wanted right? Well if that’s what you want, then marriage is what you’re going to have to expect.
Thinking it all through
Sadly, a lot of foreigners don’t think about the end game. I’m guilty as charged also. I was hoping I could just continue on dating without the distraction of marriage to get in the way. Who am I to beat Thai tradition anyways?
Of the 20+ years I’ve been in Thailand I have dated five good Thai girls. All of them wanted to get married. I did not. And that’s how all my relationships with Thai girls ended.
I believe that many foreigners after finding a good Thai girl never planned on getting married too. And they just fell into it and not prepared for comes next. Thai girls with good families expect a big wedding celebration.
You can’t get away with eloping in Las Vegas with a rent a priest. Try this one and her family will disown her. Seriously.
In Thai culture, marriage is a celebratory festivity. There will be lots of monks and lots of family. It’s a celebration that can last the entire day. That’s also the day you have to shell out the sin sod payment.
Check out this article and you’ll find a classic example of what’s happening a lot today in Thailand with Thai-Farang relationships.
Sin Sod (สินสอด)
The two words that will make a farang man shudder when he found out he’s got to pay a dowry when he agreed to marry a Thai girl. I won’t get into sin sod here because the best explanation for sin sod can be found in all places a Thai law firm based in Bangkok.
There’s no magic bullet figure to the amount. But as a foreigner you can expect to pay at least 100,000THB. Either in cash or a mix of cash and material goods. And if they know you’re wealthy you’ll probably be paying ten times the amount in cash alone. And don’t get me started on buying gold jewelry to throw into the pot also.
It’s never too late to back out!
The longest I’ve dated a Thai girl was a little over a year. Past the half year mark her parents pressured her to talk about us getting married. Obviously, that never worked out and I called it quits. It wasn’t easy. But I just didn’t want to get married.
I guess on the inside I knew that I didn’t have a monogamous bone in my body. Hell, I secretly went to bars and massage parlors while we were still in a relationship.
Now if her parents found out both of you have had sex… well then that’s a different story. That’s on you if you plan on doing a runner or do the honorable thing. Lucky for me, none of my Thai girlfriends’ parents found out I hit it.
There you have it
Dating a Thai girl for the very first time has some similarities to dating Western women. Be a gentleman. Hold the door open for her. Pay for dinner. Laugh at her jokes. And don’t slap her ass for fun on the first date. At least not yet.
Even good Thai girls can have a lot of emotional baggage. While you’re out with her friends take the time to see what types of people she surrounds herself with. Most importantly, if you can see it won’t be a good fit, then break it off.
You’ll definitely need to get acquainted with patience. Patience for waiting and patience for when it’s time for physical intimacy.
Finally, now that you know about “Sin Sod” don’t freak out when it comes time to pay up for a Thai bride. Depending on her families financial disposition, it is possible they’ll return some of the sin sod payment to you.
A lot of my friends have really good relationships with their Thai girlfriends. It all starts with you being open minded and non judgmental.
