Jim Hunt’s Guide to Having a STD Free Holiday with Thai Prostitutes

I’m a pervert. And I’m proud of it. But there’s shit in the sex districts of Thailand that even I wouldn’t do. And I’ll share it all with you today. I know a lot of guys want to know what makes ol’ Jim Hunt’s pickle dance in my pants.

Believe it or not, when it comes to my sexual perversions I have a limit. It seems like I don’t, but really I’m not that all sexually depraved.

I’ve paid for sex with prostitutes while traveling all over the world. In Thailand I can say for certain the ladies here are prettier, cleaner and a lot less bitchy because most have basic English skills.

Through my years over here I’ve picked up enough of the language to hold a conversation on my own. But often times, I play the newbie when possible and pretend I can only speak Swahili.

But there are certain things that I would never do here when it comes to sexual enjoyment. Besides staying away from the obvious stigmas tied to this country and most parts of Southeast Asia, I am a strong safe sex proponent. But I cant’ deny bareback blowjobs. See, you can have your cake and eat it too.

Let’s start off with all the things I wouldn’t do in the red light district of Thailand.

The Shit I Won’t Do

Having Sex Without a Condom – I can’t recall. But I think I was offered sex without condoms about a dozen times during the twenty plus years I’ve been frolicking with prostitutes in Thailand.

I’ve had sex with out condoms before with the good Thai girlfriends that were on the pill. During those times I’ve had short stints of monogamy which never worked out.

And then I usually get offers of condom free sex from Thai prostitutes that I have known at a more personal, deeper level through time. Even then through sheer willpower I refused the offer of raw hot monkey sex.

I’ve had scary moments and close calls before at other countries messing around with hookers. So it’s a lessoned I learned and never forget.

Just Use Condoms So You Don’t Have to Worry

It wasn’t easy but it was necessary. Never have I been offered sex without using a condom from Thai hookers on the first night I’ve met. That’s a good thing. And for the longest time, in my experience, Thai prostitutes always insist that customers wear condoms.

As much as I enjoy having that nice hot silky sensation of a woman’s vagina, my hard and fast rule is to always, always wear a condom. Granted, condoms can not protect you from all sexually transmitted diseases. Here’s an article on a list of STDs that can still spread while your cock is neatly shrink packaged.

Even then, I rather have a piece of rubber sheathed on my cock than not. I suggest you do the same too. Don’t ever think about going in without a condom.

Don’t Kiss Prostitutes

I got slapped on the face once by a Thai hooker I’ve been seeing frequently. I was on top of her going missionary. That particular night, she kept trying to plant her lips on mine. We’ve been seeing each other for several months.

She was really into me. I was handsome then, with a head full of hair, six pack abs and pec muscles that would give Arnold Schwarzenegger an erection.

She was like a starved, hungry fat kid chasing a greasy pork chop around a kitchen.

She tried to wedge her wet tongue, the same tongue that sucked and licked hundreds of cocks and sweaty balls, including yours truly, between my tightly shut mouth.

I kept turning my face. Left and right. Right and left. Frustrated, she finally got the message.

She asked me why I wouldn’t kiss her.

I can’t lie. I told her she just ate my asshole.

Slap. Can’t recall if she hit me twice though. Everything happened so fast and with the light turned off I thought I saw stars.

Never kiss prostitutes. Ever.

Prostitutes make a living with their holes. Lots of things went inside of those holes. I know, ignorance is bliss, out of sight out of mind, blah… blah… blah…

Don’t Eat a Hooker’s Pussy

Speaking of holes, I have no clue why any man would want to go down on a women? Yeah, yeah, sure we’ve seen it for the first time in porno mags (for us old geezers) and porno vids on the net (for all you god damn millennials). It looks good, yummy and tasty. But is it really?

Really, I want you to rewind that tape inside your brain. From your experiences.

Did it really taste good? Leave a comment below as I’m taking a poll.

Guys, I’ve tried, believe me I did. But eating a girls pussy out just doesn’t do it for me. I mean, I like the sensation of getting between a woman’s legs.

But when you’re actually between a girl, while eating her out, there’s a slightly acidic taste that builds up. It’s like having a mouth full of copper pennies. I remember watching porno during my teens. Male porn actors kept saying how sweet pussy tasted.

Rocco Siffredi, you’re a bullshit artist! And you can eat shit as well Peter North! Ron Jeremy, dude, I’m disappointed in you.

All my damn idols lied to me.

The first pussy I ate was the first girl I dated in my home town. It tasted anything but sweet. I was put off of it since then. But I did it anyways because I was pussy whipped. But at least she was a certified virgin.

In Thailand, there were only two instances I ate pussy, at the same occasion. It was on two super hot Thai girls my Thai business partner at the time introduced me too.

They weren’t exactly your normal run of the mill prostitutes. But hookers none the less. They were amazing. I enjoyed my time with them even when one both of them tasted like old leather boots.

I made exceptions for them because, A) I was shit faced drunk and B) Holy shit were they HOT!!!

Don’t Treat Hookers Like Girlfriends

There’s something a lot of stupid knuckleheads do in Thailand. Doesn’t matter if they’re newbies or veterans.

I think you’d agree, that if you saved up some of your hard earned cash to come all the way to Thailand you’d want to have as much sex with as many prostitutes as your budget allows, right?  I hope you’re nodding your head in agreement.

You’re not coming here just to have sex with one girl, right? Of course not!

I’m not suggesting anyone mistreat a lady. No one should. But if you treat them like they’re your soulmate, that’s exactly what you’ll GET! You’ve just unintentionally locked yourself to a ball and chain.

There are too many men today that are way too super-sensitive for their own good and sanity. They cross the line with prostitutes by exclaiming how beautiful they are. How sexy they are and worst of all, tell them how much they love them!

Whatever you do, don’t ever cross that line. Focus on your original plan. You’ll have more fun that way!

Don’t Go Where You’re Not Welcome

I tell people that I’m the Indiana Jones of pussy. One of the perks of being single and STD free is that I can enjoy wandering around the world having sex with prostitutes. But where ever I go, I always stick to places where foreigners are mostly allowed to pay for sex with local women.

Local Thai guys have places to mess around with prostitutes also. I made a mistake of suggesting to an acquaintance about a local Thai place they could go on their own if they felt adventurous. I thought why not. He said he could handle himself speaking Thai and I took his word for it.

And the place he went to was not far from central Bangkok. The area I’m talking about is in Huay Kwang along Soi Intamarat. Plenty of foreigners live in that area. I didn’t really see a harm in it.

If you walk up and down Soi Intamarat near Huai Kwang, you will spot many small store fronts, with red and pink fluorescent lightbulbs and Thai ladies in short dresses sitting outside. The whole place screams out hookers for sale!

These establishments operate has karaoke bars, or hostess bars. But there are back rooms for a quickie. Or you can take them back to your place, for the right price.

There’s No Need to Go Where Thai Guys Go

Long story short, he went in, started buying drinks for ladies that kept him company. He sang a few songs and tried to seal the deal with an attractive young lady. She agreed to go.

But the manager which is most likely the boss, and his seven sons, which were most likely unrelated low level thugs, wouldn’t let her leave with him, until he stayed longer and bought more drinks. Way more drinks than he should be buying.

He knew what was up. Told them he spent all the cash on drinks and left alone back to his hotel room to jerk off.

Don’t Ever Have Sex with Ladyboys – Unless You Can Handle the Consequences

I met a few guys that I thought would never, ever have sexual encounters with ladyboys. But they did. The end results were not pretty.

After a hard night of drinking to forget that they “allegedly” sucked dick,  I kept hearing them say how much they hated themselves. And they’d go on and on.

I’d just tell them to shut up. Pull up them big boy pants and forget about it.

I’ve never had sex with ladyboys in the Judea/Christian sense of the word. I have had blowjobs from a few. Could be more. Cause it’s harder and harder to tell these days. Anyways, this isn’t about me.

Point is if you’re curious or a budding bi-sexual, don’t freak the hell out after the fact. Treat your body like an amusement park and enjoy the ride sensibly.

Stay in the red light districts. Use condoms. Screwed a ladyboy? Oh well, move along, nothing to see here. Life moves on. And for god sakes don’t kiss and eat whore pussies! You’ll be happy you did!

Things I Do in the Red Light Districts of Thailand

Take Your Time – Never Hurry – You’ll Be Back

I’ve met a lot of dip shit newbies in the bars and massage parlors. You can tell who they are. They’re sweating profusely because they’re dressed like they’re going to eat at a fancy Sunday buffet. Their lips look dry while staring down at a massage service menu. Not making eye contact with anyone at all because they’re too nervous and shy.

No one is judging you.

They’ve been inside already for 10 minutes reading every single letter and detail. Until another John steps in through the doors so he quickly picks the best massage girl out of the lot before someone lays their grubby hands on her.

I just described myself to a T when I first started coming here 20 plus years ago.

I was a major dip shit. I wore a three piece suit and walked around in search of Thai prostitutes. I’m not joking. I was dripping in sweat. I tried to cram in as much bang sessions I could, within a 20 hour time span. I might’ve pushed a few customers out of the way.

I was n Bangkok and Pattaya for one week only. Do I split my time evenly? Do I stay in Bangkok more days or Pattaya?

Don’t Ever Be a Prick Like Me – There’s Always Time

The answer, stay in Bangkok for more days. That’s where the airports are. You don’t need to spend that precious one to three hours getting to the airports to catch your flight back to nowheresville.

This website is crammed full of massage shops that are super easy to find. Then, when you’re done checking those out, check out a soapy massage like Taragon and see how it compares with others.

Don’t worry, foreigners are welcome to this one. Only thing is you might be the only foreigner inside. Because this is one of the fewest mentioned soapy massage parlors on this here internet.

Go in and check it out and see if Taragon massage girls are right for you. Remember, if you don’t like what you see you can always leave.

But… But… I Don’t Think I’ll Ever Be Back in Thailand…

Bullshit. For some reason most guys think they’ll never be back in Thailand. They’ve fallen so in love with their brief encounter with the whores of Thailand that they get the shakes. Not unless they’re murders and rapist. In that case, please don’t come here.

But if you’re a non-violent cretin with a relatively good job and fair pay, you’ll be back. You’ll find someway, somehow, to crawl back here. Trust me.

So take your time here. Don’t rush and familiarize yourself with the Bangkok’s red light districts. The second time back in Thailand will be your best. Because you’ll know what to expect and have some experience under your belt.

Make The Trip Your Very Own

Twenty years ago, there weren’t so many websites with information about the places to go find prostitutes in Thailand.

There were message boards and even groups you could join like I did when AOL was still popular. That’s where I went to seek out and gather intel about places to visit and general tips about the pay for play scene.

It’s great to have all that information, especially about prices for Thai prostitutes at the time. And also places I should go check out, like the BJ bars which were wildly popular and prevalent twenty years ago.

But to be honest, I found a couple of gems all by my lonesome. Establishments that I never read about on messaging boards and groups. Were there assholes keeping secrets so no one crowded their spaces? Probably? But most likely not.

Don’t Be a Lazy Shit – Remember to Take Notes and Photos

You see it’s, very intimidating to go to someplace where no one that you personally know has ever been inside to. We’ve all heard about those scams inside the sex shows at Patpong. We want our cocks shaken down and not our wallets.

There will be places that you pass by and want to check out the talent. But maybe you got diarrhea and have to hurry back to your hotel room. When you’re outside again you forgot where you saw the shop as most look the same.

You’ve got yourself a smart phone so be a smartie boy and use it to take photos and notes.

Today, there are new sex bars and happy ending massage shops still opening up. When I see a new one, I’ll go in, ask for prices, check out the joint and decided if I want to stay and spend some cash.

If they ask my name I just tell them my name is Art Vandaelay. Just in case any of these shop owners read my blogs.

After seeing a line up of not so pretty faces, I just politely excuse myself, say goodbye and head out the door. If I find one I’d like to bang against a wall I’ll pay.

Never feel pressured to spend your hard earned cash. Remember that.

Don’t Do As I Say, Do As I Do

If you read the comments on my blog posts you’ll often come across questions asking me for advice about massage shops that I’ve never reviewed on this blog.

I have been inside every single go go bar, naughty massage parlor and soapy massage in the major red light districts of Thailand, at least once.

If I’ve never written a review about any particular establishment, it’s because I didn’t have so many positive things to write about. That doesn’t necessarily mean I do not recommend the joint. I don’t like shitting on people’s businesses. Not unless the establishment absolutely deserves it or is asking for a negative review.

People might think I’m getting paid by massage shops to write glowing reviews. That’s not true at all. No one can afford me. I’m keeping it that way.

I always recommend everyone to go and check out places on their own. Even if I don’t like a certain place, it doesn’t mean you won’t enjoy it. So go in and take a peek for yourselves

And since I have a lot of time here I always go back to places that didn’t do anything for me the first time. You never know, things change. Fat chicks out. Skinny girls with big titties in.

I’m always willing to  give the establishments second chances and more to impress me.