How to Break Up With Bad Thai Girlfriends – Like a Boss!

Breaking up with your first prostitute Thai girlfriend will be inevitable. Because the laws of probability were already stacked against you. But I bet you didn’t know how to break up with bad Thai girlfriends. At least creatively.

Lucky For You, I’m Going to Show You How

First, it starts with the constant lies pouring out of your Thai honey pot’s mouth like a steady stream. The subtle yet constant jabs and assault on your intelligence. Chipping away at your once fragile patience.

Anyone with experience dating Thai girls knows exactly what I’m talking about.

Sure, you can easily declare to your Thai girl “that’s it we’re finished!” after you find out she’s stealing money from your wallet to give to her drug addict boyfriend back at her village.

But what fun would that be?

On this post, I’m going to share three cases on how you can break up with bad Thai girlfriends behaving badly, like a BOSS!

1. Dine and Dash

Sid the Greek is one of my best friends and business partner. He’s a very generous person with a big Greek heart. But every man’s got his breaking point.

Sid dated this bar girl he picked out from inside Nana Plaza for a year. He likes girls with some meat on their bones. So he enjoys feeding his heifer… I mean girl. His girl also has a circle of big boned friends that enjoy big meals too.

Sid often takes his chubby girl out for big meals. At least 8 to 10 times a week. Only to have her friends show up unexpectedly. Sid just wants to have a quiet meal alone with his lady friend. Just the two of them alone together. That isn’t too much to ask. And he has asked her repeatedly to please leave her friends out of their dinners. Sid’s requests fell on deaf ears. This went on for nearly a year.

Every dinner Sid spent about 10,000THB feeding his lady friend and her friends. He’s got money so spending that amount to Sid is a piece of cake. What Sid can’t stand, however, is that her friends would order take away. Without asking his permission. Everything is added to his total bill which could be an extra three to five thousand Baht.

They would order the expensive stuff too. Like giant grilled prawns and steamed crabs, all stuffed into stacks of take away styrofoams With not a word of thanks to Sid the Greek after paying for their meal and then some. They’d just part ways like he wasn’t even there.

Sid’s Revenge

After a year of being a sucker, Sid finally woke up. He decided to break up with his girlfriend. The world’s full of fat fishes so he knows he can find another whale easily. He’s just going to make sure the next one won’t have so many friends.

He told me about his plans. I told him he was crazy. He could get into trouble for this one.

It was Sid’s final day in Bangkok before heading back to Greece for a few months. Which means he’ll plan another lavish dinner with his soon to be ex-girlfriend and her freeloading friends.

He made a big order of food on top of the ladies orders. According to Sid, the girls didn’t even notice anything wrong.

Plates and more plates of more food started filling in the table. So much that an empty nearby table was needed to hold the excess. The girls were eating to their hearts’ delight. But Sid told me he never took a bite. But never in his life enjoyed watching fat women eating so much as that night.

Before you go on thinking Sid had the restaurant poison their food, he didn’t. What do you think this is? The Game of Thrones?

Sid got up, excused himself, gave his girl a peck on both cheeks and made a beeline to the restroom in the back. Where behind there’s an exit leading around to the car park where he had a reliable driver wait for him with his luggage in the parking lot. He got inside the car. Without a word, the driver slowly pulled out onto the road making their way to Suvarnabhumi Airport to catch a midnight flight to Athens.

Sid was even kind enough to call his ex-girlfriend to notify her that they’ve officially broken up. Then he popped out his mobile sim card, opened the window and flicked it out onto the highway.

On that day, winter came for the fat chicks.

2. Giving Her the ol’ Evil Eye

I always say to everyone to avoid getting into a relationship with superstitious Thai girls. It will drive you crazy. Though that’s difficult because a large percentage of Thai prostitutes are firm believers in the occult. But you can use their fear to your advantage.

This is Reginald the Scots experience with a Thai girl that is way too deep in mojo.

Reggie’s girlfriend is so fearful of ghosts that every time they check into a hotel room and wants to take a shit he’s got to leave the bathroom door open on his girlfriend’s behest. Anyone that wants to smell Reggie’s shit must really be scared of ghosts.

Her reasoning is, if she ever gets attacked by satan himself crawling out from under the mattress, Reggie’s rescue efforts wouldn’t be hindered by a flimsy bathroom door. But this isn’t the reason why Reggie wanted to break up with her. It would be reason enough for me. I love taking my shits without having someone to hear my farts.

Reggie found out one day that his girlfriend has been keeping in touch with a falang ex-boyfriend. He kept his cool as he’s aware of these situations. He knows that prostitutes have a tendency to remain in contact with other men. This is very true, whether you refuse to believe it or not about your own current Thai girlfriend that worked as a prostitute.

But Reggie is head over in heels in love with her. If you’ve seen the way she looks with her gorgeous body you’ll feel the same way too.

The Straw that Broke Reggie’s Kilt

Reggie the Scot doesn’t mind his lady friends saying hello to old boyfriends and ex-flings on the phone. After all, he stays in touch with his ex-girlfriends also so he sees no harm in that. What he can’t stand though is if she’s still shagging them for money and gifts.

One day, Reggie’s Thai honey brought home a brand new Louis Vuitton handbag. Which is not out of the ordinary. As Reggie gives his girlfriend a sizeable monthly salary to stick around with him. What was out of the ordinary was a credit card receipt with a falang name on it. Reggie kept this to himself.

If you think Reggie’s a hot-headed Scotsman, he’s not. He’s the most cool-headed persons on the face of this planet. Okay, he says to himself, maybe this guy is just being generous and as long as his girlfriend is with him at night he’s going to give her the benefit of the doubt. But Reggie ain’t stupid (not entirely) and will keep an extra eye out on her.

Until…

One night Reggie’s Thai honey pot never came home. Earlier in the evening, she said she was going to hang out with her friends. He believed her and there wasn’t anything happening that would make him believe otherwise. He was totally head over heels in love with her. Love doesn’t just make you blind it can make you stupid too.

He called her phone and there was no answer. Her cell phone wasn’t even switched on.

Reggie was worried sick but that’s when the pieces finally started clicking in place. His relationship became riddled with doubts. He called me up and told me what happened. I didn’t even know what to say to him. Except to ask him if all of her clothes and personal possessions were still inside his house. Everything was in place he said.

Which meant she didn’t run away. After speaking for a long while and trying to calm him down he agreed to relax until the morning and see if she turns up. If she doesn’t, then we’ll go out and look for her.

A Whopper of a Story

Reggie didn’t sleep the whole night. He was sitting outside of his home waiting for his girlfriend to return. A taxi came down the road and stopped in front of the gate. His girlfriend got out holding four large Louis Vuitton shopping bags. Reggie felt an immediate rush of relief. And then the confusion set in. With the whopper of a story, she laid out on him.

She said there was a big sale in Paris, France on Louis Vuitton handbags. So she flew over there with some friends. She even asked him to call her friends to confirm. Asking a whore’s friends to corroborate another whore’s story is like getting a double tap between the eyes.

Reggie felt sick and disgusted. Not that the fact that she was lying to his face outright. But the insult on his intelligence was painful. He asked her how she could fly from Thailand to France and back in record time? Where are the plane tickets? Where’s the passport?

Of course, she did not have an answer. She just kept trying to convince Reggie that her shopping trip to France really happened. Reggie dug into the bags but found not a single receipt of her purchases. When asked where are the receipts she became increasingly aggressive and said none were given.

Bringing Out the Fear of God

Early on in Reggie’s relationship with this particular Thai girlfriend, he thought it’d be fun to show her the film “The Exorcist” during Halloween. Never did he know until that day he could use it to his advantage and literally scare the truth out of his lying girlfriend.

Reggie took out a crucifix and bible. Family heirlooms from his sweet mother back in Scotland. He told her if she didn’t tell him the truth right then and there, she’ll get possessed by a demon and start crab walking down the stairs. For effect, he even read random parts of the bible like he was forming a magic spell.

She freaked out and started bawling her eyes out. She blurted out she went out on a shopping spree with an old fling and told Reggie the guy’s name. And she spent the night at the guy’s place. It matched the last name on one of the credit card receipts he saw last time. She pleaded with Reggie to not make her do the crab walk. She’d be a good girl from now on.

I don’t think Reggie’s mom would be happy he used her favorite crucifix and bible as a medieval lie detector. But it was the closest relic looking thing he had in arm’s reach.

Suffice to say Reggie gave her the boot.

3. How Big is His Dick?

This one is all mine. This happened 10 years back when I sponsored a girl from one of the soapy massage parlors in Huay Kwang red light district. She was gorgeous and I wanted her all to myself. That time I was just a little bit more wise to the ways of Thai prostitutes so I have these questions I ask when I’m interviewing prospective Thai girlfriends working as prostitutes.

Kind of the way the character Rick Grimes in the Walking Dead interviews newcomers into his group.

My Questions Are:

1. Do you have boyfriends or husbands?
2. Are you a drug or gambling addict?
3. Do you enjoy anal sex?

If the only answer is yes to question number 3 then it’s all good. She can live with me. I’ll give her a monthly salary and the only dick she’ll be sucking is mine. Just don’t lie to my three questions and everything will be copasetic.

Three months down the line it was going good. Until one day she introduces a guy to me as her brother. Who she says is gay. He started hanging out with us on our trips and outings around Thailand.

In Thailand, there’s a lot of gay men. So it’s not a far fetched story.

A little bit later on I was introduced to another friend his the boyfriend of his brother. A pair of poofs. Again nothing to see in Thailand, move along. All of us started hanging out together. I didn’t mind the extra company at all.

When Things Start to Not Appear as They Seem

I’ve socialized with a lot of gay men in Thailand. I said to socialize, not sleep with. Don’t ask how or why I just do. I’m not gay and I’ve got nothing against boys that to put things up their asses.

So I know how they behave. These two guys are behaving out of the social norms of gaydom.

Gays in Thailand are flaming hot. If enough went inside Madame Tussaud’s wax museum there would be a pool of wax ankle deep. When Liberace died, he didn’t go to heaven. He ended up at a gay club in Thailand.

The two guys introduced to me by my then girlfriend were boy band frigid.

Here are the clues. While going to the clubs, I caught both of them looking at hot Thai girls walking past us. I even caught one of them getting a phone number, when my “girlfriend” his “sister” went to the bathroom.

Playing Along

Well, this is fishy. I went into Columbo mode and intentionally started goading the two into looking at Thai girls in the clubs. It didn’t take much effort to make them straight if they were gay when we were first introduced. I would tell them, wow, I’d like to take that one home and just pound her into the bed frame. I wouldn’t leave home if she was with me.

They’d talk about the girls just as bad if not worse than I.

One night, my girlfriend got really drunk. All of us were. Even though I had a lot of vodka shots I couldn’t mistake the sight of my “girlfriend” kissing her “brother” full on in the mouth for a nanosecond. Before both of them realized I was sitting right next to them and saw it happen right before my eyes.

The Jig is Up

I got fed up with the lies. One day I planned an outing to a club near the outskirts of Bangkok. I had to make everyone’s schedule work to my advantage. I told my “girlfriend” we will meet at this new bar I heard about. So I gave her the address and a set time to meet up.

I told her I could pick up her “brother” and his “boyfriend” and drive them over for a night they’ll never forget. They all agreed.

I picked up the duo as planned and they got in the backseat. We started chit chatting about girls again. I told them I love titties. The brother’s friend said he likes titties with pink nipples and enjoys watching Japanese porn, especially the way the girls moan. Hey, I could be friends with that guy.

The brother said he likes women’s ankles. This retard deserves a beating, however.

It’s Time

We were 5 minutes to our destination. And after 30 minutes of talking about women, we’d like to hook up with I asked the brother how big is his boyfriend’s dick?

From the rearview mirror, I could see this confused look on his face and said he doesn’t know. And both started laughing like I was making a big funny. And sure, I laughed too. Then I straight to the point.

You two are gay right? And you’re in a relationship, right? So how big is his dick?

It got a little quiet in the backseat. And then I said I’ll make the question easier.

When you’re sucking his dick, does it reach the top of your mouth? Or does it touch your tonsils?

Then, I just started laughing and told them to relax I was just kidding. They finally started laughing as well when I stopped with the questions. But I’m sure they felt something was up because the final minutes they kept quiet like a mouse.

We were finally at our destination and it was full of people waiting to get into the bars. I told them to get inside the club first while I go find parking. I had a VIP table arranged already in my name with hot Thai models ready to keep them company.

Like giddy jackasses, they went inside.

But I didn’t pull into the parking lot. Instead, I drove straight back to Soi Cowboy to celebrate my newfound single relationship status. Along the way I called my ex-girlfriend and explained to her I dropped her boyfriend off at a gay bar. Previously I had given her a different bar address. And then told her we’ve officially broken up. Like a BOSS!